Official music video by Whalen Stevens performing “Santa's Sack” available now: iTunes:
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Official "Santa's Sack" Lyrics
Santa's sack's been heavy
Since Mrs. Clause been gone.
The elves are looking kinda cute
Though mamma says it's wrong.
His bag's been dragging on the ground
With ginger on his mind.
But not the stuff in ale 'er bread
It’s of the grown up kind.
His Christmas nuts are ripe to crack.
The children are all waiting.
He's gotta make it round the world.
No time for Hesitating.
The reindeer looked in horror
His sack strapped to his sleigh.
They'd never hauled a fatter load
That is, until today.
On Dasher, Dancer, what's-his-name,
“Hey! Rudolph, quit your slacking!”
C'mon let's get this horse-show done.
“Hey reindeer let’s get cracking!”
From old Bangkok, to Turkey
To Dildo, Newfoundland
Old Santa thought of Mrs. Clause
And took the matter into his own hand.
He touched the sleigh down on the roof
Just like you'd see on Disney.
Then Santa and his bloated sack
They headed down the chimney.
He lugged it through the kitchen
Where milk and cookies waited.
Could've left some rum he thought
This cheap snack's overrated.
He dragged it to the living room
Where there he filled their stockings
And threw his head back in relief
His heart contentedly knocking.
Into a bedroom down the hall
He had himself a peek.
What did he spy?
Well Father Time at Mrs. Clause's feet.
In a fit of rage old Santa
Threw his sack upon the bed
And he crossed them off the nice list
To the naughty list instead.
Then Santa's cock crowed six o'clock
And ripped him from his sleep.
And Santa's sack was sticky
From the tears that soaked his sheets.
"It’s time I hang 'er up.” he said
My poor bag's wearing out."
"This Christmas stuff'll kill a man"
Of this I have no doubt.
So let this be a lesson:
Don't leave planning for the last.
It may be just December First
But Santa's coming fast.
#WhalenStevens #SantasSack #ChristmasSongs #FunnyChristmasSongs
Music video by Whalen Stevens performing Santa's Sack. © 2019
Songwriters: Kevin D. White / Michael Goyette
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